Do I feel trapped here in Sydney? Actually being jobless is quite good. I get to watch TV, read newspaper and having free time for myself. The stress actually come from the fact that I have no control over my growing kids. They are enjoying school here and really doing quite well. Seems like the pace here is slower and not competitive. The children have only complaints of going to Chinese Class on Saturday. They find all ways and means to avoid going to the class. Hate to say this but they really a let down. Joe and I love the language very much. Being Chinese and yet unable to read and write the language is a shame. Try to speak to them in Mandarin and hope that helps.
Back to feeling trapped. Maybe to some extent. Having a Master Degree in Education and yet I am now a homemaker. Using all ways I have learnt to teach my kids and some of the ways simply fail. You will tend to learn from your own family and learn ropes from your parents as they are the role models in your life. Sometimes it's really a struggle to remind myself that you do not want to be a tyrant whereby you only know how to scold and cane.
Yesterday I had a bad dream. For bad dreams, my mum said to say it out and it will not come true. The dream was that I was holding an ash urn of one of my kids. I was grieving and very distraught. No tears as they seemed to flow dry. Can't recall who but it's happening here in Sydney. Scary that I might lose one of them.
Actually the kids are slowly being moulded to be the way I want them to be. They are started to mature and not so much of power struggle. Now I just tell them to go time out in their room for 5 mins or take away their computer time. They only get a caning or a slap if they really get on my nerve.
Everyday life goes on as usual and I enjoy the peace and quiet time without the kids. I realized when I am with the 4 kids, they drive me crazy and I have only negative comments. Right now Channery is sleeping and not bugging me and I feel so much relaxed. Just now she insisted on watching " Barney" and she rubbed the CD on teh floor. She got a harsh scolding from me and she went to her bed. A mix feelings here whereby on one hand I hope she will grow up soon so that she can understand what I was saying and yet on the other hand, can't bear it that she becomes a big girl. I can give her lots of hugs and kisses but can't really do that to the other 3 kids. The boys hate the affections showered on them. As for Charlynn, She has grown so big that I feel awkward hugging and kissing her.
Yesterday Joe came back saying he will be more present. Good that I will have some support. I just need some assurance that i am loved and cherished. Feeling trapped? Not really. I am enjoying life in Australia whereby I don;t have to be stressed out at work. Housework is chicken feet as i have lots of practice since young. The only thing I have no control is the kids' behaviour. Who has control over other people anyway so be it I work or not working, the stress will always be there. At least I thank GOd I have no double stressors like I used to have in Singapore.
Take care of your health to all the parents out there. Our children will grow up one day and I know I will miss them when they leave us. in fact, in my bad dreams I realized how blessed I am to be able to hold them and guide them in their lives. All of them are so precious to me!
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2 comments:
Allo!
Looks like i have read too much into what you have written.;)
I am glad to find out that you are enjoying yourself in Aussie.
It is enviable actually and you should make the best out of it!
The important word is contenment i guess. It's the end of the review period over here. Everyone has gotten their "report card" and some are really not happy with what they get.
I wasnt too happy initially. I guess I have expected a little more. But when i come to know what others are getting, i think i am better off in comparison. So be happy with what you have and life is a lot more rosier!
Cheers!
Dearest Hong,
When I was working as a teacher, there will be a 5% among us that will get a D grade which they kept telling us is a pass. Some schools' heads give the grade to retired staff and staff that going on leave. Some Ps simply give to staff that they think are defiant and not obedient.
The getting of the grade means you will not get any performing bonus for March.
Actually majority of the staff will get C grade. The staff in one laid back school as compared to staff in a "branded" school will have very different workload. My ex-colleagues are now struggling like xiao in the school but the P still think they lack professionalism. The words come from his mouth and we were so shocked. For heads that only care about their own promotions, God bless them for who wants to work for this kind of bosses.
I am happy to be able to teach my children all the values I want them to value for life. We can donate lots of money for society and do all the good for community but if we do not educate our children well, we have failed as a person. I really hope they will grow up to be contributing persons and to make this world a better place for others.
As for your report card, continue to do your best and enjoy your work k. When we are not bother with the results and just concentrate to do a good job, the rewards will come automatically.
Stay cheerful and continue to count your blessings! :>
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