My extended family

I grew up in a very big family with 8 uncles and 2 aunties from my dad's side
(koh's family) and 4 uncles and 4 aunties from my mum side (Tan's family).

The koh's family
Grandmother married my granddad after her first husband gambled her away with her child. She was a marvellous woman who never believed in bowing to her fate. After marrying my granddad who had lost his first wife and 2 children, she went to create a fortune for the family. She worked hard and bought lands and provided for the family. Somehow I always felt really afraid of her when I was young but she was really just a woman who had to do it all. In my memory, Granddad was a soft spoken and kind old soul. According to mum, granddad helped us a lot when we were young as we were really poor then. He also helped to look after us - the six monkeys who ran wild in the vast kampong grounds. Grandpa visited us regularly and that was a show of support for mum. Actually we were kinda banished to look after the kampong house deep in Lorong Gambus while the others stayed at Kam1 Zui4 Long4 - near to the hot spring along Sembawang Road. At that time, dad was quite a handful and plus us so out we go. Somehow we were the lucky ones as we all got to enjoy freedom and enjoyed nature. We even had our own fish pond and farms to grow vegetables and rearing the animals. We moved out to HDB flat when I was 11 but the memories was priceless.

Anyway back to my extended family, my granddad was kind to my grandmum's daughter and my first auntie grow up very much a family to all of us. She had a hard childhood too as she must look after the siblings while my grandmum was working. She inherited her mum's strength and even though life was not a bed of roses for her after marriage, she managed to bring her kids up. Nowadays we no longer see her after my grandmum's death in 2005. Wondered how everybody is doing.

My first uncle and auntie are kind souls. They have 6 children and the eldest child is actually older than my last uncle. Kinda normal at that time to be in an extended family. My cousins have children on their own and their family is really big too. I have cousins younger than my nephews and nieces from my first uncle side and somehow that feels okay.

Second uncle has 5 children and third uncle who is dad's twin has 3 children. I find it interesting to mention that my third uncle eldest son is the same age as my eldest sister, second son same age as me and third daughter same age as my brother. My dad has 6 of us and somehow when his brother has a son, he has a daughter, and he finally had a son after his brother had a daughter.

As for fifth uncle, he has 3 children - a boy and 2 girls. My sixth and eighth uncle are still single and probably not getting married. My seven uncle has 3 kids- 2 boys and a girl and my youngest uncle has 2 boys.

Actually to say that we are a close-knit family is not true. Every now and then, my mum will tell us what is happening in our uncles, aunties and cousins' lives but we never really made an effort to stay connected. We only get together once in a while during marriages and funerals and that's when we tried to catch up on what's happening.

As for my mum's side, my first uncle and auntie had passed away many years back. Their kids have all married and we kinda still keep in touch as my cousin is also my mum's godson. He is like a brother to all of us and we feel obligated to make sure he is doing fine. As for the other aunties,uncles and cousins, my mum will tell us how they are doing as she is still in contact with her siblings. i know of a friend who has served ties with her siblings as they had grown apart over the years after their mum's death. Sad that people nowadays are so busy that nobody is able to find time to listen or care.

Actually my own siblings all have their own lives to live and we kinda also do not have time to interact too. Sometimes I wandered why we are so busy that we no longer have time to smell a flower, brew a pot of tea and just chitchat.

Are weddings and funerals the only time we get to see our family????