On Monday, Charles again absent himself from school. No matter what I told him, he simply refused to cooperate. I was desperate but he simply bo chap. I went to the Guan yin's temple for prayers. Maybe like what the Guan yin's nun said, my eldest son must be someone's godson if not he would give me lots of trouble. Luckily my brother and sis-in-law have agreed to help me out. Do not know when is the best time but somehow I will try whatever ways to help his and my life better.
On Tuesday, Charles went to school. He just up and go and the boys even invited their friends over. They claimed they wanted to do groupwork but I thought more for fun and more fun. Well! At least the boys have friends in school.
Meeting Hong yesterday and we started talking about our kids and I thought Charles ok but guessed what? This morning he flared up in school and dashed out in a fit from his class after scolding his teacher. The students managed to get hold of him and sent him to the counsellor's room. He could be so reckless and dangerous when he is angered.
Well! Hope charles will learn to curb his anger and learn how to manage his emotions if not he will suffer. I really feel like sending him to IMH ( institute of Mental health) or the boys home. He is a pain in everywhere for me and I really do not know how to handle him anymore. I know I am a lousy mum. Well! not jsut me, yesterday's newspaper a pastor's son also got into trouble with law and a tyrant to others. Why God chose me to bear this burden I do not know but I hope I won't have to carry it for long.
Charles's fate is not in my hands or in anyone's hands. his fate whether good fortune or not is only in HIS own Hands. God bless him please!
Wednesday, July 14, 2010
Last weekend
Last Saturday I woke up and drove Channery to her buddy class. Charlynn and Mum tagged along. When we reached there, Channery was happy to be able to join the class. After thar, I drove mum back to Song's place. The whole journey to and fro Outram to Sengkang took us a hour as there was jam on expressway. Actually I find that nowadays the traffic was horrible. Too many cars on the roads and too many impatient and not so skillful drivers. Not that I am biased, I think we should not be more awared that new drivers tend to make more mistakes than seasoned drivers. Maybe we should make rules like driving how many hours on the roads before one can pass the driving test just like in Australia. More hours clocked in before one can speed. Anyway I think problem is still too many cars on the roads la.
when we came back at 11 plus, I was so tired that I wanted to miss an award presentation event that started at 1pm. Luckily one of my friends drove so I just drove to Woodlands and Tongpang his car. I am feeling so tired after all the driving that I felt so tired. At the event, we were treated to a live skit. We were not so impressed as it was not fun to be disrupted from a show halfway to give away awards.
I was not very happy with my maid as she did not take initiative to cook for the kids when I could not make it on time.
On Sunday I left house just after 7am as I needed to report for the celebratew wellness event. Really see no need to report so early but the person in charge wanted us there early. We ended up having breakfast there and then jsut wait. Nothing to do much actually. At about 10am, we went to become ushers for VIPs and finished doing so at 11 plus. Nowadays nothing really interests me anymore. I could not really enjoy myself as I just felt torn when I was elsewhere and kids stayed at home. I left event at about 1 plus to fetch mum. After that I became Santa clause to give out the dumplings that we ordered.
So glad we were home finally at 3 plus. Frankly speaking, without Joe aound to jagar the kids, I really cannot give my whole heart out to help out in any event.
when we came back at 11 plus, I was so tired that I wanted to miss an award presentation event that started at 1pm. Luckily one of my friends drove so I just drove to Woodlands and Tongpang his car. I am feeling so tired after all the driving that I felt so tired. At the event, we were treated to a live skit. We were not so impressed as it was not fun to be disrupted from a show halfway to give away awards.
I was not very happy with my maid as she did not take initiative to cook for the kids when I could not make it on time.
On Sunday I left house just after 7am as I needed to report for the celebratew wellness event. Really see no need to report so early but the person in charge wanted us there early. We ended up having breakfast there and then jsut wait. Nothing to do much actually. At about 10am, we went to become ushers for VIPs and finished doing so at 11 plus. Nowadays nothing really interests me anymore. I could not really enjoy myself as I just felt torn when I was elsewhere and kids stayed at home. I left event at about 1 plus to fetch mum. After that I became Santa clause to give out the dumplings that we ordered.
So glad we were home finally at 3 plus. Frankly speaking, without Joe aound to jagar the kids, I really cannot give my whole heart out to help out in any event.
Friday, July 9, 2010
Meeting strangers
Yesterday I went to a focused group discussion on Science Centre Membership scheme. Actually I agreed to it while I was driving so I really have no idea what I was getting myself into. I left woodlands at about 6pm after fetching Channery from the childcare. There were two accidents and traffic jams along the way and we ended up reaching the place at 7.10pm. Charlynn and Channery had to stay outside while I went in for the discussion. The girls were really well-behaved.
There were an American PR who married a French man who had 3 boys, a single man from India, A father of 4 from Philiipines whi is a PR working in IT, a single lady who always go science centre with his nephews and nieces. We ended up talking about wanting more to be done in the exhibitions in science Centre rather than how to improve memberships. A lot of fun as we all have our own opinion.
I really must bring my kids to Science Centre more often as I do not really know what are the benefits for members. Seems like I am not doing the Science Centre credits by not bringing my kids there.
There were an American PR who married a French man who had 3 boys, a single man from India, A father of 4 from Philiipines whi is a PR working in IT, a single lady who always go science centre with his nephews and nieces. We ended up talking about wanting more to be done in the exhibitions in science Centre rather than how to improve memberships. A lot of fun as we all have our own opinion.
I really must bring my kids to Science Centre more often as I do not really know what are the benefits for members. Seems like I am not doing the Science Centre credits by not bringing my kids there.
Thursday, July 8, 2010
I am worried about the boys
On Tuesday I had a big argument with Joe Fai over his stay at Australia. He wanted to come back in september and do his PhD here. he even thought that going LTA from Morning to Evening would help. well! it might or might nit work out. In my opinion, he should make up his mind to complete everything before he comes back. Don't understand what he is doing at all and really what appears to me is he wasting time- taking his own sweet time there while I suffer here with the kids. Can't help feeling resentment and anger towards him. I have no idea where the sensible, determined and focused Joe has gone to. Now it seems like I am dealing with kid No 5 who is not sure of what he wants and how he is going to take it. PHD literally really means permanent head damage in the sense that one cannot think clearly. He ought to be able to think clearly and concentrate on getting his acts together but I can only feel his stress and helplessness. He kept saying nobody does it earlier than 4 yrs. I rebutted him as I knew of someone who could finished his Ph D earlier than that. Finding excuses for himself is so out of character for him. I wondered loneliness and despair have anything to do with his lack of focus?? Actually I am also rather worried that if I force him too much he might just give way and collapse so I do not dare to exert too much pressure on him. Kids will always be naughty and life goes on. As long as I learn how to expect and don't get so worked up,things will be better.
Yesterday Charles again did not go school. He claimed that he was tired and questioned why he had to go school so early. Well! He is one stressed kid who is refusing school as he is not finding success there. No friends and only work and he finds his inability getting in his way and he could not perform. Why the younger brother has the courage to take on the challenge but not him? I did not flare up but just tell him what to expect. After school, I brought Chantz for prawn fishing so as to show him I reward good behaviour. Hopefully he wants to cooperate and not forced by me.
Well! Somehow things getting better as Joe and I had something to talk about when I had to go and change my whole car remote system yesterday. Read so many magazines' articles that really set thinking about my relationships with others. To find someone whom u love and that person loves u back wholeheartedly is a blessing. will try to support him emotionally and by actions. No 1 rule is to mange myself well so as I won't be a burden to him.
This morning Charles went to school after much persuasion. He got off car wuite happily and lets hope he enjoys his stay there today.
Life is so hectic with boys but I must be thankful that they make my life so interesting too. If life is a bed of roses, I still wanna brave the thorns to pluck the beautiful blossoms at the top of the rose plant. No venture no gain. Let me have faith that I have the courage to carry on.
Yesterday Charles again did not go school. He claimed that he was tired and questioned why he had to go school so early. Well! He is one stressed kid who is refusing school as he is not finding success there. No friends and only work and he finds his inability getting in his way and he could not perform. Why the younger brother has the courage to take on the challenge but not him? I did not flare up but just tell him what to expect. After school, I brought Chantz for prawn fishing so as to show him I reward good behaviour. Hopefully he wants to cooperate and not forced by me.
Well! Somehow things getting better as Joe and I had something to talk about when I had to go and change my whole car remote system yesterday. Read so many magazines' articles that really set thinking about my relationships with others. To find someone whom u love and that person loves u back wholeheartedly is a blessing. will try to support him emotionally and by actions. No 1 rule is to mange myself well so as I won't be a burden to him.
This morning Charles went to school after much persuasion. He got off car wuite happily and lets hope he enjoys his stay there today.
Life is so hectic with boys but I must be thankful that they make my life so interesting too. If life is a bed of roses, I still wanna brave the thorns to pluck the beautiful blossoms at the top of the rose plant. No venture no gain. Let me have faith that I have the courage to carry on.
Tuesday, July 6, 2010
What's up lately?
What's up lately? Since Joe went back to Australia, I went through a stage of grief period as I was down with flu and feeling really sorry for myself. Everything went like black and white tv and life has no special meaning.
On the first day of school 28th June, Charles did not go to school. I was really angry with him as he threw his bag at my car and then ran off. I did not pick up his bag and drove off. The kind security guard picked up his bag for him. That afternoon I took Charlynn nad Chantz to New York new york for their good behaviour. To charles I told him that night he had to choose whether he was going. I will just get ready and leave and he was able to do so for Tue, Wed and Thursday.
Luckily for me, I had to go Filming for Win council on 29th and 30th June and I was able to pull myself out of my bad mood. Had fun acting against Edmund Chen ZhiCai and the other ladies from other PA organizations. Total time taken is about 8 hrs and it will be burned into a CD Rom to be distributed to all Women's executive committess (WEC)in Singapore. It will be on the Win council website too. Well! Hopefully more people will know what is WEc and what is Win so that we can get more women to join us as friends.
On 1st July, Joe's friend, Alejandro came to visit. He had 10 hrs to spend before he board a plane to Europe. I met him at the airport with the kids and then we went jalan jalan. We visited the Marina Barrage then to chinatown to visit the Chinatown Heritage Centre. We walked around and he loved to take pictures of temples and such. After that, we rushed off so as to fetch Channery from child care. We barely reached there by 7pm. After that, we had dinner at the park restaurant in CCK garden. We ordered the local specialties and ended up I had to tabao most of the food back home since our Chile friend is not used to our food. We sent the kids home and we showed off our place. We left the kids at about 8.30pm as I wanted to show him the night scene at Duxton - Pinnacle at Outram. I was not sure how to go into the carpark so we took a few turns. Luckily I had my GPS with me and we managed to go in by 9pm. We walked about and guessed what? We only could see lots of lights- mostly from the container port nearby. REally not so impressive lei.
We left at about 9.45pm so that he could catch his plane. I talked to him but I do not know if he was listening. Many hours of flight and walking made him rather tired already. I dropped him off at the departure gate without sending him into the airport since he assured me he knows what to do. He gave me a thank you hug and I drove off after that. Mission accomplished and frankly speaking, he appeared to be too reserved la since we only met once in Sydney. Well! if he ever visits us again, I hope to open his heart so that he will be more relaxed beside me :>
On Friday, Charles again acted up and refused to go school. REason probably he did not complete his homework or simply lazy. The boys went to DAS re-assessmenr and the results showed that their IQ is very high but ability to do work very low. They need help in their school work. Why my sons are so special I do not know. hopefully they know that nobody can help them except themselves.
On Saturday, I brought Channery to Outram Everton PArk. She enjoyed herself very much as a buddy. She is starting to become more sensible and independant and that is really good news. When we came back, I had a severe headache and went to rest. Told boys they had scouts viking meeting but they decided not to go since they said its a long wkend and they gonna enjoyed it. Ok with me since I am not in a good state of mind to drive. When I woke up at 5pm, I decided to just order KFC for dinner. Just fifteen minutes later, my neighbour at first storey came huffing and puffing at my door. He was extremely angry as my naughty Chaantz had threw two buckets of water down to their place. I told Chantz to apologise but he was too stubborn to do so. After telling me off for 10-15 mins, my neighbour finally "happy" and said okay after I told him I will cane my son. I was fuming mad at that time as I had to be the one to be scolded and reprimanded. My neighbour is a father so he should be more understanding but he is nothing like that. Maybe he has no naughty boys who always get into trouble :<
Just when I was canning and scolding Chantz, the security guards came to investigate. Why can't they jsut leave me alone? I know I am a failure in parenting my child but I really cannot do much if their behaviour is beyond my comprehension too. Feeling really lousy after that for the following days. I had no motivation and even did not stay long while volunteering at RC. I really have no confidence that my children will behave staying at home with my maid. The pressure to be constantly on alert mode really made me jumpy and angry.
On Monday, we went to visit my mum in law as we have not done so since Joe left for Sydney. We had roti prata at TPY. Can't help thinking thoughts like life is nothing to look forward to. Dying now and later at 80 yrs ols is the same isn't it? Quite negative outlook of life actually. Moreover, I was really pissed off by the fact that we arrived earlier but could not get a seat but those later than us getting a seat and able to have their food faster than us. I know my order was rahter small as kids only want plain prata but that should not mean we had to wait longer lei.
We arrived at my mum-in-law's place and she was really happy to see the little ones. She even brought them downstairs to buy them their favourite ice-cream. We stayed for an hour and then its goodbye time. Called up mum and she was at ikea with Aidi so we drove there to join them. Channery wanted to go to the playroom and I ended up waiting outside for an hour before she went in. When I joined Aidi and her sis and mum-in-law, they had fed my kids and I did not have to order more food since my sis had ordered or me. Pai say that she refused to keep the money I offered. While I was eating, children were playing at a nearby pavillion and suddenly all hells broke loose and Charles was crying buckets. A little indian boy boxed him so hard on his stomach and face that he broke his spectacles.
What was annoying was that the mum kept saying children playing and never even say sorry and offered to pay for the broken spectacles. I was angry so I scolded Charles for not able to fend for himself. I even threatened to deduct the cost from his allowance. I said all these for the indian mum but she just played dumb. I wondered how the son will be when he grows up? Mum simply will not pay for damages and ignoring his son's bad behaviour. I am proud that Charles did not pulled a punch on the little boy. What I should have done is hugged charles and comforted him and demand some medical and compensation for the broken spectacles but I just walked away feeling extremely agitated. I am going to stand up for my rights if such things happen again. By letting the mother and son go, I am guilty of causing the child to shrink responsibility for his actions too. WEll! I took this opportunity and told the children how others will feel when someone did ud wrong and never say sorry as well as we should do what's right.
Yesterday we came back from ikea and boys only started to do homeowrk at 10pm again. Instead of losing my temper, we did the work and everyone felt happy after that. Lowering my expectations and life is easier la.
Therefore you all can see that I am really a busy mama. My life is full of actions and tears and laughters sometimes. I feel very happy when my kids are confident and happy. simple but difficult to achieve sometimes.
On the first day of school 28th June, Charles did not go to school. I was really angry with him as he threw his bag at my car and then ran off. I did not pick up his bag and drove off. The kind security guard picked up his bag for him. That afternoon I took Charlynn nad Chantz to New York new york for their good behaviour. To charles I told him that night he had to choose whether he was going. I will just get ready and leave and he was able to do so for Tue, Wed and Thursday.
Luckily for me, I had to go Filming for Win council on 29th and 30th June and I was able to pull myself out of my bad mood. Had fun acting against Edmund Chen ZhiCai and the other ladies from other PA organizations. Total time taken is about 8 hrs and it will be burned into a CD Rom to be distributed to all Women's executive committess (WEC)in Singapore. It will be on the Win council website too. Well! Hopefully more people will know what is WEc and what is Win so that we can get more women to join us as friends.
On 1st July, Joe's friend, Alejandro came to visit. He had 10 hrs to spend before he board a plane to Europe. I met him at the airport with the kids and then we went jalan jalan. We visited the Marina Barrage then to chinatown to visit the Chinatown Heritage Centre. We walked around and he loved to take pictures of temples and such. After that, we rushed off so as to fetch Channery from child care. We barely reached there by 7pm. After that, we had dinner at the park restaurant in CCK garden. We ordered the local specialties and ended up I had to tabao most of the food back home since our Chile friend is not used to our food. We sent the kids home and we showed off our place. We left the kids at about 8.30pm as I wanted to show him the night scene at Duxton - Pinnacle at Outram. I was not sure how to go into the carpark so we took a few turns. Luckily I had my GPS with me and we managed to go in by 9pm. We walked about and guessed what? We only could see lots of lights- mostly from the container port nearby. REally not so impressive lei.
We left at about 9.45pm so that he could catch his plane. I talked to him but I do not know if he was listening. Many hours of flight and walking made him rather tired already. I dropped him off at the departure gate without sending him into the airport since he assured me he knows what to do. He gave me a thank you hug and I drove off after that. Mission accomplished and frankly speaking, he appeared to be too reserved la since we only met once in Sydney. Well! if he ever visits us again, I hope to open his heart so that he will be more relaxed beside me :>
On Friday, Charles again acted up and refused to go school. REason probably he did not complete his homework or simply lazy. The boys went to DAS re-assessmenr and the results showed that their IQ is very high but ability to do work very low. They need help in their school work. Why my sons are so special I do not know. hopefully they know that nobody can help them except themselves.
On Saturday, I brought Channery to Outram Everton PArk. She enjoyed herself very much as a buddy. She is starting to become more sensible and independant and that is really good news. When we came back, I had a severe headache and went to rest. Told boys they had scouts viking meeting but they decided not to go since they said its a long wkend and they gonna enjoyed it. Ok with me since I am not in a good state of mind to drive. When I woke up at 5pm, I decided to just order KFC for dinner. Just fifteen minutes later, my neighbour at first storey came huffing and puffing at my door. He was extremely angry as my naughty Chaantz had threw two buckets of water down to their place. I told Chantz to apologise but he was too stubborn to do so. After telling me off for 10-15 mins, my neighbour finally "happy" and said okay after I told him I will cane my son. I was fuming mad at that time as I had to be the one to be scolded and reprimanded. My neighbour is a father so he should be more understanding but he is nothing like that. Maybe he has no naughty boys who always get into trouble :<
Just when I was canning and scolding Chantz, the security guards came to investigate. Why can't they jsut leave me alone? I know I am a failure in parenting my child but I really cannot do much if their behaviour is beyond my comprehension too. Feeling really lousy after that for the following days. I had no motivation and even did not stay long while volunteering at RC. I really have no confidence that my children will behave staying at home with my maid. The pressure to be constantly on alert mode really made me jumpy and angry.
On Monday, we went to visit my mum in law as we have not done so since Joe left for Sydney. We had roti prata at TPY. Can't help thinking thoughts like life is nothing to look forward to. Dying now and later at 80 yrs ols is the same isn't it? Quite negative outlook of life actually. Moreover, I was really pissed off by the fact that we arrived earlier but could not get a seat but those later than us getting a seat and able to have their food faster than us. I know my order was rahter small as kids only want plain prata but that should not mean we had to wait longer lei.
We arrived at my mum-in-law's place and she was really happy to see the little ones. She even brought them downstairs to buy them their favourite ice-cream. We stayed for an hour and then its goodbye time. Called up mum and she was at ikea with Aidi so we drove there to join them. Channery wanted to go to the playroom and I ended up waiting outside for an hour before she went in. When I joined Aidi and her sis and mum-in-law, they had fed my kids and I did not have to order more food since my sis had ordered or me. Pai say that she refused to keep the money I offered. While I was eating, children were playing at a nearby pavillion and suddenly all hells broke loose and Charles was crying buckets. A little indian boy boxed him so hard on his stomach and face that he broke his spectacles.
What was annoying was that the mum kept saying children playing and never even say sorry and offered to pay for the broken spectacles. I was angry so I scolded Charles for not able to fend for himself. I even threatened to deduct the cost from his allowance. I said all these for the indian mum but she just played dumb. I wondered how the son will be when he grows up? Mum simply will not pay for damages and ignoring his son's bad behaviour. I am proud that Charles did not pulled a punch on the little boy. What I should have done is hugged charles and comforted him and demand some medical and compensation for the broken spectacles but I just walked away feeling extremely agitated. I am going to stand up for my rights if such things happen again. By letting the mother and son go, I am guilty of causing the child to shrink responsibility for his actions too. WEll! I took this opportunity and told the children how others will feel when someone did ud wrong and never say sorry as well as we should do what's right.
Yesterday we came back from ikea and boys only started to do homeowrk at 10pm again. Instead of losing my temper, we did the work and everyone felt happy after that. Lowering my expectations and life is easier la.
Therefore you all can see that I am really a busy mama. My life is full of actions and tears and laughters sometimes. I feel very happy when my kids are confident and happy. simple but difficult to achieve sometimes.
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