On Tuesday I had a big argument with Joe Fai over his stay at Australia. He wanted to come back in september and do his PhD here. he even thought that going LTA from Morning to Evening would help. well! it might or might nit work out. In my opinion, he should make up his mind to complete everything before he comes back. Don't understand what he is doing at all and really what appears to me is he wasting time- taking his own sweet time there while I suffer here with the kids. Can't help feeling resentment and anger towards him. I have no idea where the sensible, determined and focused Joe has gone to. Now it seems like I am dealing with kid No 5 who is not sure of what he wants and how he is going to take it. PHD literally really means permanent head damage in the sense that one cannot think clearly. He ought to be able to think clearly and concentrate on getting his acts together but I can only feel his stress and helplessness. He kept saying nobody does it earlier than 4 yrs. I rebutted him as I knew of someone who could finished his Ph D earlier than that. Finding excuses for himself is so out of character for him. I wondered loneliness and despair have anything to do with his lack of focus?? Actually I am also rather worried that if I force him too much he might just give way and collapse so I do not dare to exert too much pressure on him. Kids will always be naughty and life goes on. As long as I learn how to expect and don't get so worked up,things will be better.
Yesterday Charles again did not go school. He claimed that he was tired and questioned why he had to go school so early. Well! He is one stressed kid who is refusing school as he is not finding success there. No friends and only work and he finds his inability getting in his way and he could not perform. Why the younger brother has the courage to take on the challenge but not him? I did not flare up but just tell him what to expect. After school, I brought Chantz for prawn fishing so as to show him I reward good behaviour. Hopefully he wants to cooperate and not forced by me.
Well! Somehow things getting better as Joe and I had something to talk about when I had to go and change my whole car remote system yesterday. Read so many magazines' articles that really set thinking about my relationships with others. To find someone whom u love and that person loves u back wholeheartedly is a blessing. will try to support him emotionally and by actions. No 1 rule is to mange myself well so as I won't be a burden to him.
This morning Charles went to school after much persuasion. He got off car wuite happily and lets hope he enjoys his stay there today.
Life is so hectic with boys but I must be thankful that they make my life so interesting too. If life is a bed of roses, I still wanna brave the thorns to pluck the beautiful blossoms at the top of the rose plant. No venture no gain. Let me have faith that I have the courage to carry on.
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