Life's ups and downs

Joe's COE, board directors and colleagues came to Sydney on Monday and Tuesday. Joe had to accompany them for their learning tour around the various departments in Sydney. It's a good chance for him to learn from the policy maker in Australia. He was not in till very late in the evening and children were given me hell at home. Got angry that he could meet fellow friends and people and I was stuck at home. Somehow I wa jealous of him even though I know I should not. With no income and freedom, I felt very much tzrapped. On Tuesday, I wanted to bring chantz to the doctor as he had a swollen neck. The same condition as I a week ago. He had many wounds that did not heal so that was probably the cause. Angry that I do not have the freedom to withdraw money as and when I need it. wonder what will happen if there was an emergency and I do not have money. Wait for Joe to come back with money. :<

Yesterday Joe brought Charlynn and Chantz to school at 8.15am as Charlynn had signed up for netball and had to report for practice till 9am. Charles wanted to sleep in so I woke him up at the usual time. I prepared their lunch and sent him to school. Later in the day, Joe called and said he would come back early to bring Chantz to doctor. Good that he remembered. When I fetched them, I heard that Joe had ordered lunch from canteen for them. See! How good we are at communicating with one another! We could be under the same roof and seem to speak different language. I did mention that they should have lunch from school canteen but not comfirmed as the cost can be rather high. Luckily I only packed a cheese snadwich, a packet of juice and a pack of biscuit with cheese. Anyway it turned out the visit to the doctor took a long time and they were not hungry as they had a full lunch. Btw guess what? The visit to the doctor and doctor said to wait for 2 days and see what happened as he was not sure where the infection so can't prescibed antibiotic. 2 days later we were to send him to hospitial for blood test.

After we came back I immediately prepared dinner as I thought it was already 6pm. Ended up dinner was ready at 5.30pm. We had an earl dinner and even had time for dessert. We had bought Easiyo pack and we had the icecream. The children helped to make yogurt and we would have that today. I realized making your own things here is important as you can save a lot. The labour cost and GST here is higher so preparing your own food is essential for us. In fact the boys and us got into an argument as they wanted to follow their class to powerhouse at $15 each and we wanted to bring them there ourselves. It's cheaper as we had signed up as powerhouse members but the boys insisted that they wanted to go with their peers. In the end, we gave in and let them have their way. Boys had been receiving physical punishment from us as they were not behaving well. I won't hesitate to give them a heavy hands as I realized talking nicely to them won't work. They need to feel the pain. Tuesday night I was so mad that I felt like running away from home. Instead I hid in my room and pretended to sleep. Whole day at home with children and I am going crazy. I have no friends here and no adult talk with anyone. Sometimes calling my friends and relatives in Singapore only made me sad and frustrated as I am so far away and there was nothing that I can do to help.

Joe has been really patient with me and taking in my tantrums and unreasonable outbursts. Sometimes I feel guilty of not being a good wife. I felt that I am turing into an old hag and the lack self confidence and purpose in life really can pull me down. Once a while I need to counsel myself and do things. The ability to transform and get things done make me happy. The ability to bake new cookies and come up with new dishes is a healing thing for me. God be with me!